9 Months
by amy-and-addie
Summary: Meredith disappears for months and goes to the one person she knows can help.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my first shot at writing. I have loved this pair since season 2 and I really think this is what should've happened when Meredith disappeared after the funeral. Criticism is great, feel free to bash the story and give me some feedback.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's or Private Practice**

She didn't know how she'd ended up there. Well she did, but she didn't. She looked up at the door that stood in front of her and then down at the sleeping baby in her arms, thankful that he had managed to stay sleeping for the majority of their journey. A tug at her pants caused her to turn her head and look down into the tired face of her daughter.

"Mommy where are we?" Zola asked, rubbing her eyes with one hand, the other holding onto her Anatomy Jane doll tightly. Her hair was mused from sleeping in the backseat and she still wore her pajamas from the night before when they had left the dream house and Seattle behind.

Meredith looked at her daughter and ran a had through her hair, sighing heavily. She had been driving for nearly a day straight, stopping only for food and bathroom breaks. The scenery had changed gradually from rain and mountains, to forests filled with enormous redwoods, and eventually palm trees as the family drove south towards their destination.

Meredith hadn't known where else to go, where else to escape, but now looking back to the door that stood in front of her, she was increasingly questioning her decision. She became distracted from her thoughts as she felt her son shift in her arms, alerting her that he was awake with his sounds of gurgling. She bounced her baby slightly, hoping to avoid any crying and gave him is pacifier. Looking up at his mother, eyes open wide, Meredith felt her chest tighten as she gazed into the eyes that looked too much like his father's. Piercing and blue, eyes that had captivated her since the first time she saw them over a shot of tequila, eleven years ago.

She shook her head, trying desperately to keep the memories from before out of her mind, knowing that given the chance, they would overwhelm her till she could feel nothing but pain. She sighed again rubbing her hand across her face and staring at her children a while longer before straightening her shoulders and lifting her hand to knock.

A few moments passed before she heard footsteps coming down the stairs and saw the door open, revealing the house's occupants. She hadn't changed much, Meredith noticed as she took in the woman standing in front of her. Her hair was longer then when she last saw her,thrown up on top of her head into a messy ponytail. LA had been good to her, her skin having gained a light tan and she seemed less tired then Meredith remembered. No, not less tired, she realized, happier. The circles under her eyes were gone and she was dressed in loose sweats and an old shirt, skin wiped clean of make up, a look of surprise appearing on face as she recognized her visitors. On her hip sat a little boy, chubby arms wrapped around his mother's neck. He seemed to be Zola's age, maybe a little younger, and had deep brown eyes and a wide smile, which he showed as he stared at the small family standing in front of him.

Meredith took in the scene and instinctively smiled, subconsciously happy for the woman she once blamed for destroying her life. She breathed a sigh of relief as the look of surprise turned to one of pleasure and she was greeted with a smile and a confused "Meredith?" before being wrapped in a hug by the older woman. Meredith breathed in, taking in the smell of vanilla before pulling away and turning to take her daughter's hand.

"Addison," she said, happy to see no pity or judgment in the woman's gray eyes. "I need some help."

Meredith took in her surroundings and sipped the cup of tea Addison had handed to her as soon as she came back from laying her kids down on the couch for a nap. She examined the wide rooms and the large glass doors adorning the back of the house, leading to a wooden patio that extended to the beach and ocean. The soft sound of waves filled the room and she breathed deeply, taking in the smell of salt and coffee apparent in the kitchen. Getting up to check on her children, she moved through the living room, stopping in front of a book case filled with framed photos.

A large photo of a baby Henry sat in the middle surrounded on one side by a picture of Addison and Amelia on the porch, smiling into the camera and another of the two of them surrounded by a few other people laughing and conversing in what looked to be a kitchen of sorts. Finally she took in the last photo, one of a much younger Addison, her arms wrapped around a dark skinned man Meredith didn't recognize and a younger version of Mark Sloan. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw that on the other side of Mark stood Derek, face turned toward his friends, a smile spread across his face as he laughed about something that had been said.

Feeling her chest tighten again, Meredith quickly turned away and walked toward the couch where a sleeping Zola laid wrapped in blankets, Bailey laying peacefully on the other side, surrounded by pillows to keep from falling. She studied her kids carefully, eyes filling as she felt her heart fill with love for the two as well as sorrow for the horrible set of circumstances life had put them in. The thought that they would never know their father, never know the love and adoration he had felt for them was nearly enough to cause her to crawl into bed and stay there until she woke up from the nightmare that had become her life these past few weeks. Again, Meredith shook her head, refusing to let old memories and grief get the better of her.

The sound of footsteps caused her to turn around, as Addison reappeared downstairs, placing the portable phone back in its charger before making her way into the kitchen and taking out a glass from the cabinets, filing it with red wine. She turned back to Meredith, glass in her hands and indicated to the porch behind them. They made their way over, each carrying a baby monitor, and settled into the chairs, looking out onto the last hints of sunlight.

Taking another sip of her tea, Meredith closed her eyes and tilted her head upwards, taking in the smell of the ocean, relaxing into the chair. She'd always loved the sea, whether in Seattle or in Boston, she could always count on the water to be there, enormous and endless but never budging. Never leaving like everything else seamed to in her life.

Opening her eyes she glanced at Addison who was staring out at the dark expanse before taking a breath and saying, "Thanks for this by the way. Did I ever tell you that? I don't think I did but I meant to. I was just so busy with the kids and getting our stuff upstairs and I'm sure we'll only be here a few days I just needed a change and so I thought of this and now here I am an-"

"Meredith," Addison interrupted, still looking at the ocean. "You're rambling."

Meredith fell silent as she drew a breath and just sat still, giving the older woman time to respond. Silence stretched over the pair for what seemed like an eternity before Addison lifted her glass and, taking another sip, said "It's always calmed me down you know." She turned her head to gaze at her colleague gray eyes meeting blue. "The ocean, it's always calmed me down."

She set her glass on the table before turning her body to face Meredith, who had wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly cold despite the humid air surrounding them.

"You'll stay as long as you need, don't worry about that. Jake's away for a few months and there's plenty of space in the house. I've already talked to him, he agreed it's best if you and the kids stayed with someone you know until you can find a more permanent place and we have more than enough room for all of you so don't worry."

Passing Meredith the blanket that sat on the back of her chair she continued, "I know the last thing you need right now are more questions, I'm sure you've had more than enough of that in Seattle. I'm glad you're here Meredith, but I know that there's a reason you are and all I ask is that you tell me that reason before I call Callie and Amelia so that I can tell them you're saf-

"No," Meredith said suddenly, shaking her head as she pulled the blanket around herself tightly, trying without success to stop the violent shaking that had taken over her body. She was tired, so tired, and the constant hollowness that seemed to have taken residence in her body refused to leave, leaving her feeling something she hadn't felt in a long time: hopeless.

She shook her head once more and looked up at Addison repeating the word and continuing "I left a note. They know I'm safe and I have the kids. That's all they need." She rocked back and forth a little, trying to keep her mind from thinking of her friends and how worried they must be, remembering the numerous voice mails her phone had collected since the previous day.

"Meredith you can't just up and leave everything. Everyone is going to be worried sick, you left your patients and your house, you left Amelia behind and-"

At the mention of Amelia Meredith tensed, recalling one of their last conversations, the night after she confronted her about Owen coming into mind before she could stop it. _You've never lost the love of your life. You've never cried over the body of the person you love most in this world. You don't know how that messes a person up._ Meredith swallowed hard, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried desperately to ignore the irony of the situation, of her situation. She refused to acknowledge that once again, her life had turned into a horror show that she was forced to watch, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

Realizing that Addison was still speaking, she opened her eyes and raising her voice said "Addison I can't-" she broke off, her voice shaking as Addison fell silent, staring at her intently. Taking a breath she continued "I can't do it Addison. I need to be ok and I can't do that with the phone calls and the texts and the trips and the pity. Because they love me, and they aren't going to let me disappear and go back to the beginning before everything fell apart."

Seeing the look of confusion on the other woman's face Meredith continued, "They'll look at me and I'll see how sad they are. They'll ask me if I'm ok and I'll just be reminded that I have a reason not to be, I'll walk through the doors of the hospital and I won't see anything good. I'll see the place where he was shot and I'll see where he almost died and where he ratted Richard out to the board because of me and where I ruined our trial and-" Meredith paused, clutching her chest as a sob racked her body, the dull pain that had stuck to her ever since police cars had shown up in front of her house in the middle of the night amplifying till it filled every part of her body and she struggled to breathe.

She heard Addison rise from her chair and kneel in front of her, taking her hands and squeezing them tightly, her gaze never wavering while she stood silently. Looking into Addison's eyes, Meredith forced herself to breathe deeply, the whole situation becoming that much easier as she recognized something in Addison that she hadn't seen before. The pain in Addison's eyes was there yes, but instead of the pity she expected she saw something stronger and happier. Pride, Meredith realized as her breathing evened out once more and the pain was once again dulled by the hollow feeling she had grown accustomed to. This time however, the hollowness was accompanied by a little peace, something she hadn't experienced in a had been the first time she had openly admitted why she had run away and although it didn't feel good, it did feel bearable, which at this point was an improvement.

Still holding Addison's gaze she took a deep breathe before finishing "They'll want stuff from me. They'll want me to talk and they'll want to listen and I can't give them what they want because I have nothing left. There is nothing left and I need to find something before Zola and Bailey grow up without a dad _and_ a mom. You can't call them Addie cause I don't think I'll make it if you do."

Maybe it was the fear evident in her voice, or how tears had finally spilt and were now running tracks down Meredith's pale face. Maybe it was the use of the Sheperd's old nickname for her. Whatever it was, Meredith saw something in Addison's eyes break and she sighed heavily before giving a final squeeze and standing up, holding out her hand. Meredith accepted it, wiping her face with the other, as she let Addison guide her back into the house and upstairs to a bedroom.

Giving her a pair of pajamas, Addison stayed with Meredith until she had changed and sat beside her on the bed saying "I'll watch the kids for tonight and take the day tomorrow, We'll figure it all out after you've gotten some sleep." Patting her leg, Addison made to leave, walking toward the door only to stop as Meredith called out "Wait."

She turned, looking back at Meredith as the woman rummaged through her purse pulling out a piece of plastic that had been there for a few days and handed it to Addison. The other woman accepted it, her breath catching as she saw the blue plus on it, recognizing what it meant. She looked back up at Meredith, her face grim as she finally realized why Meredith had chosen her and LA to run to. Her ex-husband's widow just stared at her, looking every bit as grim before confirming what Addison thought could quite possibly be the cruelest joke the universe had ever played.

"I'm pregnant."

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	2. Chapter 2

**Hey y'all! So first off thankyou thankyou thankyou for all the positive reviews. I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while I'll try to get better. This is more of a filler chapter then anything. If you guys have ideas I can add to this story, please just comment them! I'm a little stuck at the moment. If you don't have an FFnet account then you can just leave an ask on my tumblr (shondasanatomy).**

 **Disclaimer: All rights go to Shondaland**

Addison stared at the baby monitor absently, lost in thought. She sat on the porch, arms wrapped around knees, staring at the ocean. It had been hours since she'd left Meredith in the guest room but still hadn't been able to get some rest herself. After tossing around in her bed for the better part of the night, she finally gave up, making her way downstairs for a cup of tea.

She looked out, taking in the first few tendrils of light coming across the sky. It would be a hot day, the air humid and pleasant even at 4:30 in the morning.

She was tired, exhausted really. She'd had a long day at the practice, her patient had come in for an ultrasound after slipping at the pool and had discovered her baby was dead. The case was eerily similar to the first case she had ever worked with Callie, and every bit as tragic. The baby had been at just over 30 weeks and her mother had refused to hold her as she screamed and cried for all that her life had become. The patient had eventually been sedated and Addison had come home early to see Henry and remind herself that not everything in the universe was bad. This was of course until Meredith showed up at her door and changed her perspective once again. Yes, Addison was exhausted and she feared the feeling wouldn't diminish for a long time.

She thought once again about the woman currently sleeping in her guest room, her mind drifting back to the first time they'd met.

 _She walked through the entrance of Seattle Grace Hospital, taking her gloves off as the automatic doors opened into a wide lobby. Looking around, she observed the area around her until she noticed a man to her right, one with too perfect hair and a wide smile that had once made her feel nothing but safe._

 _Her husband was now flashing that smile at a woman. Blonde hair framed a delicate face and even from afar, Addison could tell this woman was feeling all the effects of that smile, just as she once had. She began walking over, her heels echoing through the room as she relished in the expression on Derek's face, having finally noticed her._

 _Nearing her target, she saw him turn toward his female counterpart and say "Meredith, I am so sorry." His face was panicked as the woman - Meredith - looked at him confused, before turning toward her as Addison finally came to a stop in front of the pair and stared at Derek._

 _"Addison, what are you doing here?" He said it as though she owed him an explanation, as though she was the only one to blame for their current situation._

 _Ignoring the woman at his side she replied "Well, you'd know if you'd bother to answer anyone of my phone calls." She was annoyed, really annoyed, white hot fury beginning to course through her body. She remembered the endless times she'd been sent to voicemail, the long nights staring at the ceiling, tears streaking down her face as Mark snored softly next to her. Her chest tightened and she became nauseous thinking of the night Derek had thrown her out into the rain, yelling at her to leave "his house", her clothes decorating the staircase behind her as rain continuously poured._

 _Her mood had quickly escalated to pissed as she looked at his expression, a mixture of disgust and exasperation. Which is probably what possessed her to turn toward who she new to be her husband's mistress and hold out her hand._

 _"Hi, I'm Addison Sheperd." She took in the look of confusion on the woman's face, wondering if there was any possibility that she didn't know who she really was._

 _"Sheperd?" the woman replied as she curled her cold hand around Addison's, looking at Derek once more, confusion still etched across her face._

 _"And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."_

 _Letting go of her hand, Addison studied the delicate features as the woman finally realized what she'd heard. Turning around, Meredith walked away quickly, not bothering to turn towards Derek's voice as he called after her retreating form._

 _Guilt spread through Addison's body as she now understood that Meredith had unwittingly become an innocent bystander in the battlefield that was her marriage. She'd thought that the woman had known she was sleeping with a married man ... why the hell wouldn't she? Surely Derek couldn't be so cruel as to keep Addison a secret, not if he actually liked this girl._

 _She followed Meredith's form down the path to the street, losing track as she eventually got to far to be seen. She never wanted that to happen; the woman was probably crushed, her entire relationship and view of Derek altered, and for what? Because Addison had gotten a hot head and wanted Derek to feel something, anything, towards her instead of the disinterest that had become their relationship for the past two years? Not good enough Addie, she thought to herself, as she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat._

 _Well regardless of the situation, there wasn't much Addison could now change. Trying desperately to push away her guilt, she did what Addison Montgomery did best: pretend that nothing was wrong when there obviously was. So like a true Montgomery, Addison put on a smirk and ignoring the fact that her dinner now sat like a stone at the base of her stomach, she turned, confronting her husband, once again becoming the polished, well educated, double board certified neonatal surgeon people viewed her as. And as she talked to Derek, it got a little bit easier not to care, not to mind that once again, she had somehow ruined a life without to much effort at all._

A cry drew her back into reality as the light on the baby monitor lit up and she stood, walking back into the house to comfort whichever child was in distress. She soon realized it was Zola, the sounds coming from the couch amplifying as Addison drew closer, seeing the child crying in her sleep. Sitting down, Addison carefully placed her hand on the child's shoulder and gently shook her awake. The four-year-old's tiny body stirred and eventually brown eyes opened wide, still spilling tears as she stared at the grown up.

Addison wrapped her arms around the small form as silent tears continued to fall and Zola started to shake.

"Zola, sweetie it's ok, it was only a nightmare. You're ok. I promise."

The girl shook her head, holding her Anatomy Jane doll close as she continued to cry.

"Where's mommy?" Sobs racked the tiny frame as she kept shaking, Addison now running her hands up and down Zola's arms, trying to sooth her.

"Your mom's upstairs sleeping honey. Do you want me to go get her?"

No reply came as the sobs continued, and Addison felt the girl tense more, folding into herself. Again she wrapped her arms around the little girl, this time feeling tiny hands clutching the front of her shirt. Careful not to wake Bailey, who by some miracle was still sleeping, she picked the toddler up and moved around the first floor, muttering soothing words. She walked around for what felt like hours before she finally felt the sobs slow and the girl's body relax until there was nothing but small sniffles coming from the child. Zola laid with her head on Addison's shoulder, tiny arms still clutching her doll to her chest.

Addison looked down at the tear stricken face, repeating her earlier question, asking the girl if she wanted Meredith. The big brown eyes filled with tears once more and the older woman's chest tightened as she saw the beginning's of another crying session appearing. She rubbed soothing circles on Zola's back and instead chose a different approach.

"How bout I make you a big cup of hot chocolate and then we can go outside and see the ocean? Would you like that?"

No response came from the four year old and Addison was just about to go upstairs and wake the girl's mother when she heard a tiny "Yes," come from her chest and she looked down to see Zola's eyes, this time without tears, looking up at her. Addison gave the girl a smile and carried her toward the kitchen and placed her on one of the high stools, keeping a close eye as she took out the powder and began making their chocolate. Zola swung her legs and looked out the back doors, taking in the different colors of the sky as she stared at the beach.

After getting helped down by Addison, the little girl reached up to take the woman's hand and together they walked out onto the beach where they sat down in the sand. They each sipped their drinks and watched the morning joggers go by, getting up every once in a while to pet a dog walking past. The little girl finally seemed calmed and she lay between Addison's legs, head resting against her chest while she stared at the waves. The baby monitor stood near, and Addison looked at her watch, relaxing when she saw there was still an hour till Henry usually woke up and she took the liberty in assuming Bailey was similar.

She turned the little girl around so they faced one another before asking again "Zola, do you want me to go wake your mom up? She'll be worried that you had a nightmare."

She looked carefully at the little girl who was now playing with the sand around her and felt her heart swell. Zola reminded her so much of Henry and she could see why Derek had been so infatuated with the child each time they had spoken on the phone. She smiled, remembering how his voice filled with excitement each time she asked of his daughter. They could have been speaking about the worst situations, usually Amelia, but as soon as his children were mentioned, his demeanor changed completely and part of that reason was the girl who was now sitting in front of her shaking her head.

"Mommy sad a lot," the little girl said, letting the sand slip through her fingers. "She not sad when she sleeping, she just turns a lot."

Addison studied the small face, taking in the round cheeks and the small nose that had turned red from crying. Her heart sank as she noticed the tiny circles forming under Zola's eyes, knowing that the child was to young to be feeling anything that may cause those bags to form. Zola continued playing with the sand and before Addison could say anything she looked up, staring, before asking the one question Addison had hoped she'd never have to answer.

"Where's Daddy?"

Swallowing hard she replied "What did your mommy tell you about that sweetie?"

"She said he had a car crash and the doctors were late. Mommy says that when doctors are late people die. I think Daddy died." The girl became quiet, focusing on her hands as they gathered sand into a small pile in front of her. "She said Daddy's in the sky and that's why I can't see him, but he loves me and Baiwee lots and lots and he miss us." Her small hands came down, crushing the pile of sand, making it flat. She finally stopped and looked at Addison, brown eyes unblinking.

The older woman looked back, mind whirling as her stomach sank and she wondered again why the universe worked the way it worked. She'd heard the story, heard it from Callie and Miranda and Richard and Karev. She knew it back and forth, she knew what went wrong, how the idiots hadn't ordered a head CT even though he'd been stable. How the neurosurgeon on call had come only after 90 minutes, at which point there was nothing to be done. She'd seen the casket lowered into the ground and how Meredith had sat on the couch, staring silently ahead as people offered their condolences. She'd spoken to her briefly but it almost seemed as though the blond wasn't completely there, she stared through Addison and her smile and nodding was automatic, as though her body repeated the actions on a timed interval. Meredith Grey, Addison recalled, had become a shell, and there didn't seem as though there was anything anyone could do to bring her back.

She stared at Zola a while longer, brown eyes meeting gray and silently picked the girl up, hugging her close, before carrying her back into the house. She helped the toddler wash the sand off her arms and face, and brought her some of Henry's clothes to change into until Meredith and the kids got settled in. Seeing Bailey stirring on the couch, she picked him up gently as he began to wake and carried him upstairs. She walk into Henry's room, waking him gently before telling him to walk downstairs and sit with Zola. The little boy got up and rubbed his eyes sleepily as he started his descend to the first floor.

Checking in on Meredith, she saw the woman still asleep, tossing every once in a while. Her eyes moved beneath their sockets and her breathing seemed to increase as she turned to her side. Addison closed the door, heading downstairs with Bailey, knowing that restless or not, Meredith needed as much sleep as possible.

The morning went by quickly, the kids watching TV as Addison prepared pancakes for Zola and Henry, while feeding Bailey some apple sauce between his babbling and giggles. She called the practice, telling them she was taking the day and to reschedule her only patient for tomorrow. The foursome carried some shovels and pails outside and Addison watched as the older two worked on a sand castle and Bailey sat beside them, eyes wide and chewing on a teething ring. A few hours went by as it became late morning and the group went back into the house, Addison putting them down for a nap, before making her way upstairs to wake Meredith.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm baaaaaccckkkkkkk!**

 **Soooo infinite apologies for taking forever to update, I honestly don't have that much of an excuse other than I just couldn't think of any ideas for this story. This chapter was hard to write, it's not my best and the ending's kinda rough. Also I suck so much at dialogue it's ridiculous but I'm gonna try to put a lot of it in the next chapter.**

 **Thanks so much for sticking with me y'all, it means a lot. I'll try to get better about posting. No promises though.**

 **If you have any ideas for this story, please please please leave them in the reviews, or just send me an ask on tumblr. I've changed by url so it is now "im-calling-post-it". Seriously, tell me your ideas I need all the help I can get.**

 **P.S: Happy Fourth to anyone reading from America and to my fellow countrymen I hope you all had a wonderful Canada Day!**

* * *

Meredith Grey was not a light sleeper. In fact, the majority of the time, she'd have to set several alarms to make sure she woke up, especially if Derek wasn't with her. She could sleep pretty much anytime, pretty much anywhere and she'd always valued that.

But that night she dreamed, waking every few hours sweat soaked and breathing rapidly. Each time she woke she felt exhausted and she strained to recall the nightmares taking over her mind, only to have them slip away just as she began to remember. She finally managed to fall into a deep sleep, thinking nothing but black, simply too exhausted for anything else.

She woke up to a hand on her shoulder and light streaming through the window. Addison was shaking her awake, and she stared at the redhead for second before remembering all the events of the previous night. Looking around, she rubbed her eyes and yawned before bolting up, suddenly realizing what time it must be. Seeing her panic, Addison chuckled and said "It's about one in the afternoon, the kids are napping. We had breakfast, went outside for a bit and watched some TV. They should be awake in about an hour if you want to come down for lunch."

"You should've woken me, Bailey and Zo are not your responsibility," Meredith said, running a hand over her face. Despite having slept for longer then she had in weeks, her body was wracked with exhaustion that never seemed to leave, something she'd grown accustomed to since the accident. This earned her a sceptical look from Addison who obviously had no problem with the extra load. In fact, she seemed happier than Meredith had ever seen her. It was true they had never been friends and they'd only met on a handful of different occasions since her second year of residency, but the older woman was far more relaxed than Meredith remembered. She smiled softly, happy that the red head had seemed to have found what she was looking for in LA.

Oblivious to the younger woman's thoughts, Addison stood up and made her way to the door. "Food will be ready in twenty minutes, I brought your suitcase up earlier and feel free to use anything you need in the bathroom until you can get your own stuff." Meredith nodded, slowly untangling herself from the sheets and hoisting herself out of bed and toward a much needed shower. She had almost reached her destination before Addison's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Zola had a nightmare."

She turned to face Addison, dread filling her stomach as she swallowed hard. The red head's face said it all, her eyes holding the same pity Meredith had seen in every look she'd gotten since she'd woken up in a hospital bed at Grey Sloan with a concussion. She hated the look Addison had on, another reminder that somehow the past eleven years had all fallen apart because of a few bad doctors. Her eyes watered as she drew a shaky breath, refusing to let the tears spill. She nodded weakly and watched her leave before entering the bathroom and getting in the shower, finally allowing the tears to fall.

* * *

Meredith walked down the stairs, drawn towards the smell of garlic bread and –more importantly- coffee. She made a beeline towards the pot as soon as she hit the entry way, pouring herself a cup and practically inhaling it, ignoring the pain as she burned her tongue. The shower had helped wake her up and the knots criss-crossing her muscles seemed to have loosened, but she was a long way from being awake and alert. She smiled graciously as Addison put a heaping plate of pasta in front of her, and reached for the bread that had just left the oven. There was silence as they ate, the kids still asleep. She could feel Addison studying her, trying to decipher just how stable she seemed to be, what subjects were safe to talk about and which to steer clear of. She sighed, meeting Addison's unwavering gaze and put her fork down, knowing she owed her an explanation.

"I would've gone to Cristina but neither of them have had the shots they need," she explained, indicating to the sleeping forms that were her children. "I didn't want to leave them and besides, she wouldn't have known what to do about this."

Addison nodded, understanding exactly what "this" meant. Her heart swelled for the small woman across from her, one she had once resented and even been jealous of. But times had changed, people had changed and for a reason she couldn't phantom, life had refused to stop placing tragedy after tragedy upon the shoulders of all the doctors of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, particularly Meredith Grey. She had been there to witness Meredith's near breakdown over Thatcher, seen the look when the young resident had discovered her replacements, the family she never had. She'd stood and watched as the same resident gradually crumbled under the weight of her mother's bitterness, becoming increasingly worse until the day Derek rolled her into the ER, tear streaked and desperate as the love of his life lay on a gurney, blue lipped and pulse-less. She could only imagine how it had been to lose her sister in a plane crash of all things, something that was only supposed to happen in movies. She didn't know much about the person who was Meredith Grey, but she did know that the universe seemed determined to keep knocking her down until the day she snapped. Noticing the dark circles under her eyes, Addison knew that day was fast approaching, recalling Meredith's words from last night. "I have to find something before Zola and Bailey grow up without a Dad _and_ a Mom." A shiver ran down her spine as she found her mind clinging desperately to the hope that maybe she could be that something for Meredith, or at least LA could be. Her attention shifted back to the blonde as she began to speak once more.

"We weren't happy you know."

She could feel Addison's surprise as the confession hung in the air. She hadn't meant to confide in the ex-wife, but her desperation was getting the better of her as she felt herself slowly unraveling, the words pouring out of her mouth.

"I mean we were happy, near the end. The last few days it was perfect. We were finally talking, he wanted to try again, try everything again and do more, you know? Or at least let me do more. I mean he told the president of the United States no for Christ sakes! Did you know that? He was the lead neuro guy working on the brain mapping initiative in D.C but he came home to fix things. He said he was calling post-it and ferryboat scrub caps and Zola and Bailey and everything in between and he wanted to try and I was so mad at him, I was so angry at what my life had turned into these past two years and you know what I did? I just looked right at him an-and –" a sob escaped her, wracking her body as she buried her face in her hands, tears flowing freely.

The pain in her chest grew as she struggled to draw air, her heart beating so hard, Meredith was sure it would burst. She thought of every fight, every night spent at the hospital sleeping in on call rooms, asking Amelia to take the kids. She remembered every single low in the past eleven years, overwhelming sadness suffocating her. She resented it, every wasted minute, every secret, every fumble, every bad decision, every single mistake she'd made. She hated the relationship they'd built on a foundation of lies, cheating and hurt. All these years, every make up, every spur of the moment decision, every night where they found a way to put aside their differences and love; the only thing it had done was put off the inevitable. They were never meant to be together, the odds had been stacked against them from the beginning. The dam that was their relationship was holding too much history back, and now it had burst and somehow she was the only one left to deal with the consequences.

Her thoughts were interrupted suddenly as she felt cool hands upon her own, pulling them down. Addison clutched Meredith's face, gently lifting the blonde's chin so that they faced one another.

"Meredith don't you dare say that."

The younger woman stared at her colleague in shock, realizing she must have been saying her thoughts aloud without noticing. She looked into Addison's eyes, surprised to see them filled with tears. It was a mesmerizing sight, the grey orbs silencing her as she finally managed to stop crying. Addison's hands were cold against her cheeks, her thumbs soothingly wiping away her tears. She swallowed hard, her voice shaking as she admitted her biggest regret of all.

"I told him I could live without him Addie," she whispered, throat closing as she struggled to breathe. "He told me he couldn't live without me and I told him I could."

A fresh wave of tears appeared as Addison lowered her hands, heart breaking as she looked at the trembling woman standing in front of her. Maternal instinct took over as she wrapped her arms around Meredith, rubbing her back reassuringly as Meredith grasped onto her shoulders, holding on tight as though she was afraid to let go. Her cries were subdued against the older woman's neck, body shaking violently with every onslaught of emotion.

Addison ran a hand over the blonde's hair, trying in vain to comfort her. She felt her own face growing wet with tears, anger coursing through her body as she cursed the universe for its sick sense of humor that seemed infinitely present at the God forsaken hospital that was Grey Sloan. How was it possible for that much tragedy to happen in a single place? Affect the same people time and again, beating them down over and over without rest? Who deserved that? As she held her ex-husband's widow, she knew that whoever it may be, it wasn't Meredith Grey. Not after a life full of pain and neglect. Not after a childhood of being left behind and replaced, after a life of secrets and lies and betrayals. Guilt pooled into every crevice of Addison's body knowing that she had once played a role in this woman's pain. She squeezed tighter, promising herself that she would fix what she had helped break. She didn't know how, but somehow she would help piece Meredith Grey back together again.

Unaware of the red head's thoughts, Meredith continued her inner battle. Her sobs grew, shaking her to her core as the past haunted her, new memories flooding into her head, finding new ways to torment her. Every single part of her being hurt and there was no end in sight to the relentless waves of grief taking over her mind. Pulling away from Addison, Meredith broke the embrace and ran to the patio, praying she hadn't woken the kids. She stopped as a sudden wave of nausea hit her, her lunch coming up the next second, spilling all over the beach. She retched, grasping her stomach as a sharp pain coursed through her body suddenly and she collapsed, the edges of her vision darkening. Footsteps echoed behind her as she dropped to the sand, crying out in pain. She thought she heard Addison call out but she would never be sure as the pain faded and everything went black.

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 **Next chapter will be better, promise! Review?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Two chapters in three days?!**

 **Yep! Finally figured out how I want this story to go so I'll be updating a lot faster now :)**

 **Thank you for every follow, favorite and review this story has gotten and as always feel free to leave any criticism.**

 **This chapter is more of Addison's side of things, how her life was when Meredith showed up at her door. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own Greys, don't own PP.**

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 _"_ _What are you playing at Addie? She can't stay here!"_

 _"_ _What do you want me to do Nae? Throw her out? Make her take her kids and-"_

 _"_ _You have to call Richard, he must be out of his mind with worry! After everything he's done for you…"_

Meredith woke to voices arguing. She squinted her eyes and looked around, trying to place her bearings. She was in a hospital room she realized, taking in her gown and the IV sticking out of her hand. She sighed wearily, shutting her eyes tightly, desperately praying she'd fall back asleep. Thoughts raced through her head, her last memories playing through her mind as she sat up, suddenly far more awake. She glanced around, looking for the call button. Hearing voices outside her door, she called out, making her presence known. The knob turned as Addison walked through the door, breathing a sigh of relief at the sight before her. The blonde was alert and awake and -not surprisingly- panicking.

"Addison where are my kids? What happened? Are they ok? Where's Zo? And Bailey? Addie where are my kids?" Meredith felt her heart begin to race and her chest tightened as panic gripped her and her eyes watered, tears threatening to fall. A sense of déjà vu gripped the woman, memories of a different hospital in a different time flashing through her mind. Just like then, she strained to remember what had happened to no avail, no recollection of where her children had gone and no knowledge of where they were now. The worst possible scenarios ran through her mind and she raised a hand to clutch her chest, each breath a challenge.

"I- I can't remember. I just- ho-how did I get here Addie?"

Seeing her distress, the red head grabbed Meredith's hand and squeezed tightly, quickly reassuring her. "Zola and Bailey are fine. My friend is watching them and Henry. She's the chief of staff here, she took them down to the cafeteria to get something to eat." She reached her other hand and soothed Meredith's hair back, muttering gently as the younger woman regained her breath.

"You were upset and when you ran outside your threw up. Do you remember that?" Meredith shook her head, still shaken. Addison continued, voice steady and calm. "You passed out on the beach. I called 911 and my friends from next door took the kids while I rode with you to the hospital. You've been unconscious nearly a day."

Meredith gasped, unable to believe how long she'd been asleep. She listened as Addison explained "You're being treated for exhaustion and a urinary tract infection. That combo along with the stress you were under is why you fainted."

Meredith's hands moved slowly to her abdomen, encircling her stomach gently. She swallowed hard and looked up, meeting the older woman's eyes, silently asking the question she was unable to speak. Relief coursed through her as a reassuring smile appeared on Addison's face.

"The baby is fine, heartbeat looks great, but we are going to keep you overnight for observation and you are on strict bed rest for at least the next two weeks."

Seeing a protest coming on, Addison held her hand up quickly adding, "I've taken most of the next few weeks off and when I do have to go in, Zola and Bailey will come with me. We just set up a daycare at the practice and someone will be watching them the whole time. You need your rest if you want that baby to make it."

The words hit Meredith like a punch in the gut, dread filling her as she faced the fact that losing the baby was a very, _very_ real possibility, especially with her age and history. She held her stomach, rubbing it gently. She wanted this. This was the last piece of Derek she'd ever have. The baby had to make it. It had to.

She nodded weakly at Addison, knowing her protests would fall upon deaf ears. The older doctor smiled once more continuing "I know you want to see Zola and Bailey, but I'd like for you to get a couple more hours of sleep before I let them in. Your stats are still low and you've still got a while before all the meds are in your system." Meredith nodded in agreement, looking at her IV, a sudden exhaustion taking over. She watched as Addison did one last check, wrote a few notes in her chart and left the room, promising to be back in a few hours. She laid her head back onto the pillow and, closing her eyes, let the dark pull her under.

* * *

Addison shut the door behind her quietly, knowing Meredith may have already fallen asleep. The ever present circles underneath her eyes seemed to have grown even darker, her cheekbones more prominent, her posture more defeated. Worry filled the red head, her stomach clenching as she looked over Meredith's chart, concern etched across her features. A urinary infection during any pregnancy was bad news but with Meredith it could be catastrophic. This baby had a miscarriage, a hostile uterus, and a history of DIC to overcome. It sure as hell didn't need another obstacle. She bit her lip worriedly before heading over to the nurse's station to return the chart. A cup of coffee was definitely in order, but as she turned toward the elevators, she noticed a figure striding toward her with purpose, closing in fast. She groaned inwardly, jabbing the down button praying for the doors to open and take her far, far away. No such luck.

Naomi appeared at her side, a look of disapproval plastered on her face. Addison looked up and sighed, seriously wishing she had some caffeine in her for the fight that was inevitably about to take place. She heard Naomi draw a breath and turned quickly, shooting her best friend a glare.

"Save it."

"Look I'm not saying you kick her out but she has people who need to know. People who are worried sick and who will take care of her-"

"I can take care of her Naomi. Right now she needs an OB and more importantly someone who isn't always staring at her like she's about to lose it. She needs time and space an-"

"She needs her family! Addison this is your ex-husband's widow we're talking about. You hate her remember?"

At that Addison sighed and rolled her eyes, unable to believe how stupid her friend could be. "I don't hate her, not even close. I _do_ understand her and she came to _me_ for help, not her "family". They're dead Nae, her husband's dead, her sister's dead, both her moms. Everybody is gone Naomi, everybody left and there is absolutely nothing she can do about it! Do you have any idea how that feels?"

She glared at her friend as Naomi's expression changed from annoyance to one of pity, a look Addison knew all too well. She also knew exactly what was coming next and she turned quickly, making a beeline for the stairs, deciding the elevator wasn't worth it. As she expected, her stubborn friend followed her into the stairwell, grabbing the red head's elbow and whirling her around so they were face to face.

"You aren't strong enough for this Addie."

Addison twisted her arm out of her friend's grip, trying to ignore the context behind her words. She continued downward, cursing herself for her choice of shoe wear for the day. It was infinitely harder to run away with six inch heels, a fact she kept proving in the worst situations. Her friend kept with her, never missing a beat.

"You haven't told her yet have you? Which excuse did you use when she asked about him? I mean she has to know who he is since you told Derek about the wedding."

She could feel her eyes filing, her throat closing as she desperately tried to block out the words.

"Does she know what happened? She isn't stupid Addie, she's going to figure out something's up. You're too fragile for this, it's too soon-"

"Why? Why is it too soon Nae? When will it stop being too soon?" Addison yelled, finally halting her escape. "It's been months. _Months._ Treading up the past isn't going to help anybody-"

"Is that why you aren't going to the trial? Why you won't testify?"

Addison glared at her friend, jaw clenched, squeezing her hands into fists. She turned around once more, doubling her efforts of fleeing, stubbornly pushing down the emotions threatening to take over her mind. The pair continued their trek down the stairs, neither willing to cave.

"Call Seattle Addison. Think of Richard and- and Amelia, imagine what she's going through-"

"Don't talk to me about my sister Naomi. This isn't about her, not right now. I'm not calling Seattle and I'm not telling Meredith. She's got enough guilt as it is."

Finally reaching the ground floor, Addison practically sprinted to the cafeteria filling up the biggest cup she could find to the brim with coffee. Naomi sighed and ran a hand through her hair, knowing their conversation was over, at least for today. She looked her friend in the eye and said "Just remember to take care of yourself first Addie. You can't help anyone if you aren't at least trying to help yourself." The red head studiously ignored her and she sighed, heading down the hall to check on a patient.

Exhausted from their argument, Addison ran a hand over her face, sipping her coffee as fast as she could. She glanced around, locating a familiar head of blonde hair and headed over to the table, smiling slightly as she took in the sight before her. Charlotte was pointing at something on Zola's paper, Henry sitting on her other side coloring. Mason sat across from them, playing peek-a-boo with Bailey. His squeals of joy filled the air as Addison approached, her bad mood having lifted slightly. Charlotte greeted Addison as she hugged Henry, holding on longer than usual, something that did not go unnoticed by the toddler.

"You okay Mommy?" he asked adorably, patting Addison's cheeks with his tiny hands.

She smiled widely, her heart filling with warmth at his concern. "I'm alright baby boy, just a little tired."

She turned toward the table, noticing Bailey's squeals had stopped. Mason held the baby, the boy's head resting in the crook of his neck as he stared at Addison sleepily.

"These rugrats look like they're ready for a nap," Charlotte observed, hoisting Zola into her arms. "Let's get em up into daycare with the triplets, and Cooper will pick them all up in a few." The group started toward their destination, only to be stopped by the sound of sniffling.

"Where's Mommy?" Zola asked, tears streaming down her face. "Is she dead?"

Addison's heart sank as the little girl continued to cry, trembling in Charlotte's arms. The lump in her throat had taken over, she couldn't find the strength to soothe the toddler's worries. Luckily, Charlotte King had never been at a loss for words.

"Your mama is just fine baby girl," she said, tickling Zola's chin. "Tell you what, we'll go up to daycare and you'll take a nap. And when you wake up, you can go see your mama before Cooper comes and picks you up. But you gotta let your mama rest a bit first. Sound like a plan?" The little girl nodded in agreement and the group continued, dropping the kids off for the afternoon.

Finally having a break in her day, Addison made her way to an on call room, knowing that even coffee couldn't keep her going for much longer. Her earlier conversation with Naomi haunted her thoughts, head pounding as she lay on the bed. She glanced at her phone. May 15th. Twenty-one days until the trial. Dialing the number her fingers now had memorized, she waited for the voicemail, knowing there would be no answer. There never was. The ringing stopped and her ear filled with the voice she longed to hear more than any other in the world.

 _"_ _This is Doctor Jake Reilly, I am either with a patient or otherwise occupied. If this is an emergency please hang up and call 911. If not, leave your name and phone number and I will return your call as soon as I can."_

Tears streamed down her face as she shut her eyes, surrendering to a blissful sleep, her phone still clutched tightly in her hand.

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 **Any guesses what happened to Jake?**

 **If your a little lost with the characters, watch some later seasons of Private Practice.**

 **Reviewreviewreview**


	5. Chapter 5

**Woooooo! So yeah this story is up and running again... And I know I am horrible for waiting almost two months to update. I'm SORRY. So sorry. But hey good news is I have officially** **decided to finish this story before school starts, which means three week, (yay!). You have my word you'll have the finished story before then.**

 **That being said thank you to every one of you for sticking with this story! I'm not crazy passionate about writing but you guys make me want to do it more and get better. It means a lot.**

 **Lastly I deleted my tumblr so if you have any suggestions for this story or need anything else from me, it's PM and reviews from now on.**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own anything**

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The calls started two days later. It seemed as though Meredith's phone was vibrating non-stop, voice-mails and texts pouring in. She'd gotten a few calls from the hospital the day she'd left, but it had only been Owen asking if she was coming in and Maggie wanting to know if she needed anything. She hadn't counted on Amelia finding the note she'd left for at least a week, but her sister-in-law must've gotten tired of on-call rooms sooner than expected. Alex was constantly calling, Maggie and Callie seemingly texting without break. Even Bailey had left a very unsettling message that had nearly sent her packing for Seattle just so she wouldn't have to endure the older woman's wrath later on. It was exhausting, and with each buzz her stomach sunk a little lower, her guilt growing steadily. It would seem her friends refused to believe she wasn't coming back, and their persistence was beginning to try her nerves. And she wasn't the only one.

They sat at the table eating a late dinner when her phone began vibrating. Alex must've been on break from the sounds of the relentless buzzing. Meredith ignored it stubbornly but her redheaded counterpart glared at her until she finally raised her head.

"Your phone is having a seizure," she remarked, annoyance etched upon her features. Meredith chewed slowly, relieved the kids were already in bed and wouldn't have to bear witness to the argument she knew was inevitable.

"So it is," she answered, her voice flat.

Addison raised an eyebrow, fingering her glass as she launched into the same lecture Meredith had practically memorized during the past week.

"Are you just never going to tell them what's going on? They are worried about you Meredith! They love you and your kids and they're probably sitting there imagining a million horrible situations you may have gotten yourself into. This isn't right!"

The blonde just stared at the older woman, knowing she wasn't finished and that it was unwise to interrupt while her objections left her system.

"Look you don't have to tell them where you are, just tell them you're okay and the kids are safe. You don't have to mention the baby if you don't want to, just let them know you won't be around for a while," the redhead tried to reason, knowing her words would fall upon deaf ears. They pair had had this conversation many times in the past few days and she was sure this wouldn't be the last time. No matter how many times she tried, Meredith refused to listen.

"I don't owe them anything," the younger doctor replied tiredly. "They got the note, they know I'm safe and that the kids are with me."

The conversation usually ended there, but Addison was on edge tonight. She'd lost both the mother and her baby in surgery today, something that hadn't happened in years. Her body ached all over, her back and neck riddled with knots. She'd taken this loss especially hard, the past few days having only made matters worse.

With the trial nearing, Addison found herself constantly dodging press and avoiding any type of secluded area just like she had so many months ago. Today, instead of simply walking through the front doors of the hospital, she'd had to wait for Sheldon to drive her car to the emergency room entrance before taking the long way home, making sure no one had followed her back to the house. Thankfully, a cop she'd once dated had helped her keep her address from the public eye, but she still needed to be on constant alert lest an over ambitious reporter decided to be particularly daring. The situation was exhausting, and she hated it just as much now as she had the first time. No, today had _not_ been a good day and as she heard the phone vibrate once more, she snapped.

"They are terrified!" The redhead rose from her chair, her anger slowly building as she stared at her companion's monotone expression. "They don't know where you are or what you're doing, they have no idea if you're okay or if Bailey and Zola are actually with you or if you've all been kidnapped!" She ran a hand through her hair, trying to calm her nerves to no avail. "They need to know that you're coming home, that you aren't gone, that you haven't just disappeared! Do you have any idea what it's like not to know what is going on? Not to know if you're safe, if you're going to be ok, if they are ever going to see you again. Do you?"

Addison froze, her eyes going wide as she realized what she had just said. She slowly looked down at Meredith, her face wet with tears, an apology poised on her lips. The younger doctor had gone pale, gripping her fork with white knuckles as her other hand shook uncontrollably. She tilted her head to meet Addison's eyes, the older doctor gasping from what she saw.

It was a look she had hoped to never see again, especially not on another person. Addison stared into Meredith's eyes, a chill running up her spine. There was nothing there but hurt, any trace of the fierce intern she had once known vanquished. _I need to find something before Bailey and Zola grow up without a Dad_ and _a Mom._ The words echoed through the older woman's head as her stomach churned, her apology caught in her throat. She turned quickly, wiping her hand across her face as she grabbed her car keys, Meredith's eyes burned into her mind. She reached for the door and bolted into the night, heartbeat pounding in her ears. Tears threatened to spill as she reached her car and put it into gear, doing what she did best. Peeling out of the driveway, Addison fled from the memories and the broken woman sitting in her house, bringing with her too many problems, too may feelings and far too many reminders. She ran towards the only person in the world she could trust. She was going to see Jake.

* * *

Elliot Sanders Long-Term Care Facility was located on the outskirts of L.A an hour away from the Montgomery home. Encircled by a massive stone wall, an iron gate guarding the entrance to the massive building also made of stone, the clinic and patient housing center looked more like a prison than it did a home. It was Addison Montgomery's least favourite place in the world, worse than Seattle and even the brownstone overlooking Central Park she had once shared with Derek. It was also where her husband lived.

Looking up at the dark building, Addison debated whether to ask the guard for entrance or turn around and go back home. Meredith's eyes came into view once more and the redhead swallowed hard, walking toward the security checkpoint in front of her. She knocked on the window as a sleepy guard came into view, his face breaking out into a smile as he slid the glass to the side and leaned out, greeting the redhead.

"Dr. Montgomery! It's good to see you! How've you been?"

"Joe, if I need to tell you one more time to call me Addison, I swear…"

"Sure, doc. But seriously it's good to see you. How're you holding up?"

The doctor forced a tight smile across her face as she stared at Joe, his demeanor slipping as he watched her struggle to keep her face in check. She swallowed once again, tears pushing at the back of her eyes, her hands beginning to shake. The security guard smiled at her sadly, turning to buzz her in. She thanked him quietly, avoiding his gaze as she made her way towards the slowly opening gates, running a hand across her face in an attempt to soothe her nerves.

She walked into the main building, signing in as a nurse met her and began walking with her upstairs to the patient rooms. They made their way up, trekking to the fourth floor, the highest of the building. Addison's hands began to shake once more, her breath coming faster as they neared their destination. Seeing this, the nurse put a soothing hand on her back, giving her a reassuring smile.

"He had a good day today."

The redhead smiled weakly as they came to a stop, reaching their destination. The nurse smiled kindly before turning to leave, reminding Addison to page her when she was ready to go home. The redhead turned back towards the door, wiping her sweaty palms on her pants in an attempt to calm down. Taking one last breath, she squared her shoulders and pushed the door open, knocking quietly as she did so.

A man stood on the opposite side of the room, staring out the window. Hearing the noise he turned, his eyes lighting up as his visitor made her way inside. He started toward her, smiling as he said "Hey hun."

Addison stared at the man making his way over to her, taking in the tanned skin and the curly hair that had gotten longer. She felt warm as she saw his smile, a smile that had highlighted so many great moments, and she returned it in full force before closing the final distance between them, locking their lips as she fell into his embrace. This was what she remembered, what she craved more than anything in the world. This feeling of warmth and safety and _joy_. This was what she missed most and she held on just a little tighter, kissed him just a little deeper, hoping that maybe this time, the moment would never end.

Air became a necessity and they broke apart, chests heaving as she touched her forehead to his, closing her eyes. The couple stayed like that until Addison felt a gentle push, their moment broken as the man tilted her chin up, leveling their eyes. She stared into the chocolate orbs, her hand reaching out to stroke his cheek as her smile widened, mimicking that of her husband's.

"Jake," she breathed, speaking his name for the first time in what felt like years. "I missed you."

* * *

It had been nearly three hours since Addison had run out into the night and Meredith couldn't sleep. She lay on her bed in the guest room, counting bumps on the ceiling tirelessly. She had just reached 647 when her phone buzzed once more. She frowned slightly, looking over at her alarm clock. 1:34 am. Even if Alex was still at the hospital he wouldn't call this late instead of grabbing whatever sleep he could manage before his morning began. She reached over and studied the number, sighing when she recognized it. There was only one person in the world who could get her awake and talking at this hour and she was half a world away. Reluctantly, Meredith answered, bringing her phone to her ear as she steeled herself for what was to come.

"You made me lose count."

"Well hello to you to," Cristina answered, annoyance lacing her tone. "You know what I hate?"

"I was almost done the right side of the ceiling, 647 bumps. Now I have to start over!"

"I hate," Cristina continued, ignoring Meredith's attempts of bothering her till she hung up. "Getting interrupted during a meeting with my biggest sponsors by a phone call. Actually several phone calls. Who knew Alex's phone plan had unlimited international calling?"

Meredith rolled her eyes, crawling out of bed and making her way downstairs, deciding a cup of tea would do her good.

"Look Cristin-"

"Oh and not only Alex's phone plan. It seems Callie's got a great one too. And Bailey, and Avery. And you know, that wasn't so bad until _Pierce_ got a hold of me. You have me answering calls from Big Wheel's Mer! Where the hell are you?"

The blonde took out the tea pot, filling it with water as she drew in a shaky breath. "It's kinda hard to explain."

"Well at least tell me why Evil Spawn is talking to _me_ , instead of _you_. Why aren't you answering your phone?"

Putting the kettle on the stove, Meredith walked to the living room, flopping onto the couch. She ran a hand against her stomach, debating on what to tell Cristina. She'd make a joke about McDreamy's super sperm no doubt, not something she was in the mood for. Luckily, her person seemed to be more than occupied as a shuffling overtook the line, something else having caught her attention.

"Ross, what?" she heard Crisitina snap. "I'm kind of in the middle of something… What do you mean she's jaundice? She was fine this morning!" The shuffling increased as the cardio surgeon returned to the phone, sighing heavily.

"I know, you have to go," Meredith said softly, missing her more than ever. "Go. Save lives. Be great."

"Call Alex Mer, he's a lot more worried than you'd think." With that the doctor hung up, leaving the blonde feeling more alone than ever. She threw her phone aside, burying her face into the nearest pillow. Exhaustion burned the backs of her eyes, but she knew she wouldn't be sleeping tonight. She got up as the kettle whistled, making her way to the kitchen. Taking the pot off, she heard a rustling near the front door, followed by a knock. Frowning, she made her way over, thinking Addison had forgotten her house keys. Turning the knob, she pulled the door open saying "I locked the door after you left Addie, sorry abou-." Her words died in her throat as she was blinded by as sudden onslaught of flashing lights.

A crowd of yelling people encircled the door, calling out questions and shoving microphones at her.

"Ma'am what can you tell us about Dr. Montgomery's thoughts on the McClerik trial?"

"Who are you? What's your name ma'am? Do you know if Dr. Montgomery will be testifying against Kasey McClerik."

"Why are you at her home? Do you two have an arrangement after what happened to Dr. Reilly in the shooting?"

Meredith froze, eyes wide, mouth gaping as she tried to process what was happening. What trial? Who was Kasey McClerik? Wait, what had happened to Jake? Hadn't Addison said he was away for a few months?

The doctor finally came out of her trance and slammed the door shut, bolting it before locking all the other doors in the house and drawing the blinds. Her heart pounded as the voices outside continued to shout, paying no mind that it was nearly two in the morning. She reached for her phone, punching the redhead's number in as she prayed for an answer. She picked up on the fifth ring with a quiet "Meredith."

"Addie, I think you should come home _now_. We have a problem."

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 **Rough one again but next chapter is jam packed! Reviewwwwwww**


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